Conversation Guide for Women Who Want to Discuss Financial Planning with Their Husbands

Has your husband managed your investments and finances without your involvement? If so, this could leave you extremely vulnerable should something unexpected happen to him. Some questions to ask yourself;

• Will you have access to cash or life insurance proceeds when you need them most?
• Will you be forced to make critical financial decisions you aren’t prepared to handle?
• Will it take months or even years to locate all your accounts and assets, if you ever find them at all?
• Will you discover there is no estate plan to protect you?
• Will your children and other dependents be cared for in the future as you intend?

This is only the beginning of what you could experience if your husband becomes incapacitated or passes away.

The best way to avoid this is to gain transparency into your investment portfolio and overall financial picture by encouraging your husband to work together with you with a financial professional.

It can be challenging for some women to get their partners to make this move. Some husbands enjoy the time they spend on their investments, take pride in their financial prowess, and may feel threatened if they lose complete control over their portfolios.

Still, encouraging your husband to educate you about your finances, and grant you transparency and protection by partnering with a financial professional is critical.

This guide explains how to have a fruitful conversation with your spouse about starting a planning relationship.

Foundation for Having a Successful Planning Conversation with Your Husband

Women are more likely to successfully encourage husbands to work with a financial professional by avoiding criticizing their investing and money management. Instead, position it as an opportunity to work together to establish long-term security for both of you. (After all, HE could be left vulnerable should he become incapacitated by a stroke or other illness, and you do not have access to family finances.)

Key things to focus on include:

• Setting aside time to discuss money, not just springing it on him
• Including a third party in the discussion, perhaps a child or friend who is knowledgeable in working with a professional
• Positioning the wealth manager as a resource to protect both partners from unexpected hardship.

Finally, include estate and legacy planning in the discussion to broaden it to include family and community concerns.

Strategies for Financial Planning Conversation Success

Use these tips to encourage your husband to work with a financial professional:

Frame it as a collaborative effort

Use inclusive language, such as “let’s plan our future together,” rather than “you need to do this.” Emphasize that your request to work with a financial expert is about ensuring you are both comfortable, secure, and on the same page.

Dedicate time to discuss finances

Don’t do things that could make a financial planning discussion feel like a surprise attack. Dedicate specific time to it. Take things to the next level and pair financial discussions with an enjoyable activity, such as dinner at your husband’s favorite restaurant.

Broaden the discussion beyond working with a wealth manager

Don’t just focus on moving your husband’s investing activities to a professional when you address the subject. Take a broader approach, focusing on your long-term goals and security as well. Putting the planning discussion into a broader context can help it make more sense.

Don’t take all the power away

It doesn’t have to be EITHER self investing OR using a professional. How you, your husband, and your wealth manager work together is completely up to you. You don’t have to hand everything over if your husband doesn’t want to. He can set the direction and manage the portfolio if he wants to, with a transition plan should something happen to him and he is no longer able to. Your wealth management professional can also help with more complex matters, such as retirement income planning, tax strategies, legacy planning, and charitable giving tactics that go well beyond investing and into broader financial planning.

Focus on long-term security

You want the best for your husband. And he wants the same for you. Should you pass away, you want the transition to be smooth for him. And he should want the same experience for you. A financial professional can help you ensure that your affairs are set up correctly so you and he can manage any situation.

Don’t forget the opportunities

Partnering with a professional isn’t just about security and protection; it can also be about expanding your dreams and goals as you get older. Include discussing goals for retirement, travel, or helping your children and grandchildren. This can make the conversation more inspirational and engaging, and less about more tedious issues.

Explain the benefits of a fresh perspective

Your husband might be handling your family’s investments and finances perfectly well. However, even the best money managers can benefit from a fresh perspective. With things changing as quickly as they do today, everyone can benefit from someone who sees things differently and in a timely way.

Start with small steps

Don’t attempt to make your husband jump from doing everything himself to committing to working with a professional. Suggest a low-stakes initial meeting with an advisor just to get to know them, without any immediate commitment to change the current situation.

Do an information gathering exercise

If your husband is still reluctant to meet with a financial professional, ask him to work with you to create an online shared document (or a binder if you prefer low-tech) that includes all bank and investment accounts, insurance policies, and how to access them. This typically seems like a fair compromise to most husbands. Then, once they see how vast and complex their finances are, most men are willing to meet with someone.

Addressing Resistance to Partnering with a Financial Professional

Even if you handle your conversation with your husband perfectly, he may still have objections about working with a wealth manager. Here are some proven ways to overcome his objections.

Acknowledge his feelings

Understand that some spouses may feel threatened or defensive about turning over their financial responsibilities. Approach the topic with empathy, emphasizing that the ultimate goal is shared peace of mind.

Link the planning discussion to life changes

Leverage moments like planning for retirement, health changes, or seeing friends struggle when a spouse becomes incapacitated or loses one to spotlight the importance of partnering with a financial professional.

Focus on your security and peace of mind

Frame the need for an advisor as a way to ensure you feel secure about your future, which can prompt a protective, caring response.

Understand your partner’s reluctance

Take time to figure out why your partner doesn’t want to meet with a financial professional. Don’t just assume they’re being difficult. There is always a deeper reason, and your husband may not be aware of it.

Some common reasons are:

• Anxiety about losing control
• Worries about having a favorite pastime taken away
• Fear of losing money
• Not wanting to be taken advantage of by a dodgy actor
• Avoiding talking about finances (a difficult topic for many)
• Fear of facing the music
• Not wanting to see their lifetime of working and investments reduced to a spreadsheet
• Worry that they may discover they’re in a difficult position financially (although it may not be the case.)

Understanding the actual reasons for your husband’s reticence will help you address his objections and reach a breakthrough.

Convince them that nothing is locked in

Meeting with someone doesn’t mean you’re necessarily going to work with them. It’s merely an introduction. You both have a choice to move forward with them, check out other options, or continue doing what you have been doing.

Explain what an initial meeting IS and IS NOT

A first meeting with a financial expert is really just a chat. They will ask about what you want in the future. Often, the case is that one partner has thought about it, but the other hasn’t. They’ll just ask you some questions to get you talking and thinking.

Sometimes, even couples who are great communicators have things they haven’t discussed. A financial professional can help facilitate those conversations.

The Bottom Line About Encouraging Your Husband to Work with a Financial Professional

A conversation with an unwilling spouse can be challenging, but it’s necessary. You owe it to yourself to get the financial security you need and deserve. Leverage the tips and techniques in this guide to have a fruitful one.

You can also reach out to the professionals at Chase Investment Counsel, who have facilitated many conversations with people and couples like you. We have a solid track record of helping married people find the security they both want, need, and deserve.